Jeff与我和女儿视频结束，在加州情人节晚上的风雨声里钻进他温暖的被窝做梦去了，希望他梦到我买了一大堆礼物给他，呵呵。情人节我没为他准备礼物，只把他通过国际鲜花快递送来的玫瑰照了相发给他（就是这文里的几张）。我说不好意思，我明年给你买双倍礼物，他开心地笑了，告诉我：你和你的爱就是最好的礼物。他还说，在美国，情人节主要是男人给女人礼物。“啊？”，我开心地说，“我喜欢美国情人节，哈哈。”
他今天特意要求单独和女儿聊半小时，因为越来越大的女儿最近实在让我头痛。我和女儿一贯像朋友，她几乎什么都给我说，最近虽然也同样，但是她有些行为让我感到担心甚至生气，谈过几次她都是点头，但转过身去依旧我行我素。Jeff爸爸觉得该好好和她谈一次了。他一直不定期给女儿写信，曾经花了3个多小时写至深夜，写了删，删了写，他说，我希望找到合适的让她最能接受的方法和语气。
我在这里写了很多我们的幸福故事，我的快乐生活，我没有想误导任何人或者是在这里“绷面子”，因为我经过一次失败的婚姻，所以更加懂得珍惜和感恩，更能看见生活里好的一面。幸福与否，取决于自己，就像看那装着半杯水的杯子，可以大喜：还有半杯水呢！也可以大悲：只有半杯水了。我和Jeff都是能看见还有半杯水的人，所以，绝大多数时候，我们感到的是幸福和快乐。
我的生活也有痛苦和烦恼，但那些痛苦是和爱人相隔万里造成的；那些烦恼是成长中的女儿带来的，不是Jeff给我的，他确实是好脾气好教养的男人，一个铁的事实是：不管我怎样生气说话难听，有时心烦了甚至由着性子折腾他，他从来没有胯脸、生气或者用语言回击我，只是专心恳切地看着屏幕（我），眼神关切、焦虑或委屈，但从来没有失去耐心或不耐烦，最多趁我歇气的当口，说，等我两分钟，很快回来。我知道他不是喝水就是吸烟平静自己去了。那时我也会冷静下来，并为他的宽容感动，多半时候当他回来时我会换一种态度和语气和他说了。
我们的身体相隔万里，就像他多次说的，这是我们人生中最困难的一段旅程，最艰难的一段时光，我们不得不在遥远的地球两端隔海相望，忍受思念的痛苦，耐心等待；我一个人操心着孩子的生活、成长和安全，还要工作，有多大的压力，有多累，他都知道。而他现在能做的，除了在经济上给予帮助，剩下的就只能倾听和安慰。。。这爱，让我们的心没有距离。
在一些很艰难的时刻，我会忍不住流泪，同时很“冲”地指责他反击他（他安慰我时），所以有时也为自己的过于感性任性而羞愧，但是他说，“不，我喜欢你这样的性格，敢爱敢恨敢表达，我不喜欢你是一个过于克制自己过于理性冷漠的女人。谢谢你那么坦诚地告诉我心里话，谢谢你给我机会倾听你，这是我目前唯一能做的。”他给我的信里这样说：“你所拥有的最美好的品质之一，就是你丰富深厚的感情，你的爱如此真纯深情，因此，遇见你，娶了你，使我成为最幸运的男人。你开心和快乐的笑脸、你伤心的泪水，正如那温暖的阳光和甘泉，滋润了我的生命之花，我所有的根须叶片都迅速伸展吸收，它们助我成长，让我更真切体会到这世间有最美好的爱情存在，真切知道，它在你心里。。。”
下面是他给我的信，对我这段时间因为女儿引起的一些“低潮”的安慰，对女儿的一些想法，对我的爱和想念，非常深情感人，本想翻译的，但是时间和我的眼睛问题，只把它原样放这里了，有兴趣的朋友可以读一下；无兴趣的朋友大可不必理睬，我主要还是为了记录，给自己回忆的，呵呵。这信只是他写给我的近两千封信之一，没有什么不宜公开的个人特别隐私，发之前我问过他：是否可以？他说没问题，所以我才放这里来的。
I can hardly say enough the thanks I give for the opportunity to find you, that I look at my life as having ever just one wife, and that to truly love is to give of yourself what you can to make the new life, the one life of a married couple, the best it can be . . .
you have already experienced a marriage that did not contain the essential element of the other partner giving of himself to the marriage; though there was pain from that, I am happy that you had the courage to seek the love you deserve, the life you deserve, happy that you found and chose me to be a part of that life; now, I do what I can and more (because the confidence you give me lets me know I can do more than I ever thought possible), to give you that life, though you approach it with uncertainties that are the source of some of your pressures . . .
we are not the first, nor will we be the last, parents to see the independence of their daughter (or son) emerge in ways that make us crazy; I am not angry with her at all; maybe we are missing the communication method discussed in the book I left you, Languages of Love, Teenagers? Maybe we have to try reaching Sunny in a way she feels more willing or able to accept? I don't know. I think it is difficult for her because she feels she is getting so much more from her social life, her boyfriend, than she can get from us, so she does what she has to to get it, even if it disrespects her role as the child to her parents. We both know the wonder of sexual relations, but perhaps what she is getting from her boyfriend is so much more?
I do want to speak with her very soon, to tell her what I see from my point of view, simply and honestly. Maybe she can even tell me something by what she says, or doesn't say? Maybe my second set of eyes and ears can reveal a clue to what she needs from us that maybe we are not giving or giving in the manner in which she recognizes? I know it makes you crazy that she keeps pushing more, further . . . what makes you crazy makes me crazy also, because I want your experience in life to be as happy as it can, no matter the source for pressure or unhappiness, I want to try to find the way to keep those to a minimum.
there is maybe a little more challenge to making Sunny see things a little different, but when we work together on our challenges, we do better than we do ourselves. Even if all I can do is listen sometimes, when she and the rest of the world make you "crazy", then at least I can do that; but I am thinking always and trying trying trying to find what we can use in a more effective manner.
I hope you had a good good sleep this past night, good sleep being so very important for the mind, body and soul. What is coming for us is coming quickly, and I will help you hold on as we approach and take the journey of our life hand in hand, step by step . . . I Love U! (forever also)
Ours is still a difficult journey, affecting us each a little differently. For me, I recognize how little I can do to give you confidence that there is such a wonderful life's experience waiting for you, for us, once we can truly begin to live it as a family together here. We know how well we achieve things when we work together, but I currently can only talk, write, send money, hardly anything like being able to be there to shield you from the frustrations you feel pushing against you. What Sunny does to "make you crazy" makes me a little crazy too. In many ways, she seems very much like a normal person of her age, well, at least like a lot of people her age I have known. Even many adults choose to live without regard to a responsibility to contribute to the well-being of those with whom their life is intertwind (laced together through life's interactions).
It seems not to matter how much we try to show these people, to teach or offer them a different way to see things or act, it is not until they make up their own mind will we see them change their behavior. Until then, we continue to try, though, try to show them the alternative until they see for themselves that there is some better way. It is my honor to have the opportunity to fulfill one of the best experiences in life, that I now have been accepted by you as one who can help bring the life of another (a child, Sunny, though not of my own blood but no less do I love her because of that), into a being who is fully capable of a rich, rewarding, caring, compassionate and accomplished life of their own. Though progress may be slow, it is the effort we make together that I feel blessed to be able to attempt, and to do this with you, perhaps I can only best express that this way, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme!
And too, it is a blessed benefit that we are asked to live our love in the most difficult way, beginning this first period of our life together without the benefit of the usual manners of affection, support, encouragement; even we are asked to do more as our life depends entirely upon some element beyond our control, a governmental process! The uncertainty of knowing someone else can decide whether we can or cannot ultimately succeed in what we know is best for both of us, even the many stories you read of others whose life is shocked by their rejection to immigrate, these all fuel the fires of uncertainty that test our patience and confidence. It is a blessed benefit because, like activity and strengthening exercise do for the (normal) body, so too does what our love is asked to do (survive and grow with so few means or methods to reinforce how real it is), our love is made stronger by the way in which we use it to help us each through the difficult periods of waiting.
We will work together to see whether Sunny can grow toward becoming more responsible, patient that such growth will not occur dramatically or quickly. We will work together, sharing both the highest emotions and the lowest, as we each are one for the other, no matter we achieve this like other people or not, for truly we are writing our own life's story, your life and my life contribute now to our life.
The excitement has reached a new (high) level, as the call to you from the Consulate could be any day now!! There are many little things I want to do toward preparing for all that is coming, so there will not be a lazy weekend, hehehe, around here. In fact, I do not want any more lazy times until you can I can be lazy together! mmmmmmmmmme
(and as to Jeffy getting into a girlfriend stage, wow, is he emotionally ready for this? do try to keep his expectations realistic, hehehe, and tell him from me, as his father, to know that his learning love will be like learning anything else, and that the best thing he can do is be patient and always try to make good decisions)哈哈，这一段是我告诉他Jeffy开始想女朋友了，他要我转告小Jeffy他的狗狗父亲的建议。just for kidding,hehehe）
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娃娃
2012-12-17 09:26:44|发
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